“Tell me and I forget, teach
me and I may remember, involve me and I learn”
Benjamin Franklin.
Socrates
once met an old man while visiting a town and asked him “You have spent your
life with happiness and peace, have you any time faced any difficulty?” The old
man replied “ I have given all the responsibilities to my sons and I am at
peace. Whatever they say I do and whatever they give me to eat, I eat. I play
with my grand children. If my children make any mistake I keep silence. I never
interfere with their work but if they need any advise I share my experiences
with them, tell them all the outcomes of my mistakes I faced in my life. I
never follow up with the fact that whether they did as per my advise or not. I
never insist they do as per my experience or guidelines. Even after my
suggestions if they make mistakes I never worry, they again come to me and I
again give them my advise. My heart is always open for them.”
If parents were so open-minded in
our past then why can’t we in present? Why can’t we trust our children? Why we
always forget that we were also doing same mistakes in their age. What if we as
parents do not impose any disciplines and regulation on a child and allow him
to grow on his own. We should know him from our heart, we should love him wholeheartedly but we do not interfere with his choices and liking
. There may be
some times when we do not agree with his way of living but we should not force
him to do what we feel is right. Instead of criticizing him for his wrong deeds
we should try to be appreciative of his work. We should always be there for him
and make him feel that our main concern is you only.
It is important that our
children learn how to make their life rather than just how to live. Let our
child see the world with his own eyes and let him face all the good and bad
because it’s his life not ours. We should be rather confident that whenever our
children feel depression and emptiness in their lives they will definitely come
home to us. They can come to us without any guilt or offense. Our love shall
make them forget everything and start afresh for the future. Let him chase his
dreams, he should never in his life feel that we were the biggest obstruction
in their path of chasing dreams.Some of us always insist that our child should
be in some reputed profession like doctor, engineer or lawyer rest of the
professions are okay it better to not to in those. They expect excellence from
their child in every field. In doing so we always forget what our child wish,
what are his interests. We should rather
have such relation with our child that before going to his friends he should
come us for any advise. He should trust his parents more than anybody else..
Understanding the level of
RESPONSIBILITY in a Child brings the change, just patiently wait for it. If
your upbringing is correct it will definitely come.
Many of us will find this thing
difficult to believe that their child turns to them for advise rather than his
friends. But this actually is possible you just have to understand his age and
remember what you were thinking or doing in that age. You have to communicate
with your child in the same manner but of course with the dignity of parents.
Relate to these facts and your life will be smooth. In doing this mutual
understanding of both the parents plays a major role. My friend is always
complaining about his husband’s obnoxious behavior, her husband is always
imposing his rules and choices on her as well as their child. He does this for almost
everything i.e. daily meals, clothes, talking walking and behavior. She finds
it very irritating and always complains about it. When I closely observed her
style of living she needed improvement on many things which her husband keeps
on trying to correct. In addition to all this both of them discuss their
differences publically and their child is the regular listener of this. Both
the parents try to convince the child that I am more concerned about you and
your health, your well being than the other parent. Now the situation is that
the child is groomed in such a way that he tackles and manipulates both the parents
and parents do not realize it. So the conclusion is that immature and insecure
parents bring up insecure and immature kids.
We should also remember that
whatever advises we give to our children is not followed but whatever our
actions are they are always followed or implemented by our children. we must
teach our child to how to be compatible with others rather than comparable to
others. If we tell our kids to get more than ninety percent and we force them
to do that then there are hundred percent chances that he is going to think
that whether we got such percentage in our school or colleges. So before
imposing our wishes on them we must give a thought how we were during our
school days and college days. And most of the times it happens that our
children are doing much better than we used to do. If it happens that you child
is not a scholar like you then do not get disheartened instead see to it that
he is your child and has inherited your genes so if he is not a scholar then he
must be brilliant with some other things like sports music etc. and try to
groom those traits.
We must always keep in mind that
our ambitions should not overrule the love in our heart for our child. We
brought him in this world because of our love not our ambition. In his
childhood give him all the love you have for him and all will come back to
you. We just have to built a character
and achievements will automatically come. One must remember that new born child is totally dependent on
parents when he comes in this world , it is the parents job to make them
totally independent physically & emotionally so that they become
interdependent & live in harmony.
Love again has two definitions
and we as a parent must understand it. Some believe that giving all the riches
of the world to their child is their love for him but it is also true that expensive
gifts to our child are just an apology for what we didn’t give to our child. On
the other hand some believe that we love him so much that the strength of our
love will make him the happiest person in his life and the rest will come to
him automatically. We must always do good to feel good and remember that pleasure
is temporary but happiness is deeper. We must distinguish between the two for
our kids as well as ourselves that “ Happiness is important but the source of
happiness is more important.” When
our child grows with such understanding then there is nothing for us to worry
about. If he understands this he will be
best at whatever profession he chooses.
If we want our child to be right
at everything then we must be first right at everything. On one hand we teach
our child to be truthful and we are telling lies to others in front of them. A child always learns what he observes and not
what he is preached. If I respect my elders my child will definitely respect
them, if I am responsible my child will be responsible. If I am organized,
punctual and polite so will my child be. A child becomes conditioned in
whatever atmosphere we give him. When a child grows with a belief that whatever
he does in his life he can always turn to us if he fails, we are always there
for him. This sense of security works as a wonder for every child and he can
achieve much better than any brilliant but insecure child. It is important
that our children learn how to make their life rather than just how to live.
We must realize that parenting is
not a popularity contest. We must remember that Good upbringing may give
headaches; but Bad upbringing always brings Heartaches. When we bring or buy a
new product it comes with a manual but A baby comes to our house without any
Manual. It is we who are his manual so he will be how we make him.
Normally when we appear for exam
we prepare for it prior to it, but bringing up a baby is like giving a test
before the text. We learn from our experiences and correct wherever and
whenever possible but life is not a dress rehearsal. So there is no
coming back, things we lost never come back. We cannot rewind time to go back
& correct our mistakes. So it better
to learn from other’s mistakes & not to repeat them.
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